I'am Down...

why all my titles always moody,stress,down or something not happy??cause not many happy stuff happen to me...this few days the happy thing was i went out with my old friends and i knew one new friend from AUS...then no more happy mood...i think not only me...i knew today got someone not happy...

why i down today??i was think in the pool just now...the answer is dunno...even take out my heart and see also dunno why i feel my heart is bleeding...i feel that i will 'beng kui' soon...so please becareful...i also dunno what will happen...and please take care of me also...i scared i do something to myself...just now i almost accident...normally i drove home took 25-30 min...today i used almost 20min...im not in the rush...but i like the feeling of driving fast...expecialy when i not happy...in pool got two people realize that im sad and down...izzit because of ling?yes,abit...the other reason i know is i cant swim well...i hate to follew behind...i hate to keep asking other people go first cause i too slow...i hate i cant finish and tahan the program...this few days the program were very easy...but i felt very tired...now nag change to shah alam...if comfirm got open mean i must swim...now i train like shit how to go competition??i swim also memalukan diri and the state...i train until that day if i still cant swim well i wont join the competition...i better train hard and swim well in malaysia open...

i was regret i din went shah alam today...maybe i went also cant change or help anything...but at least im beside you my dear friend...hey dear,cheep up k...you still got prakl...im sure prakl you can swim better than msss...of cause in msss you also not bad...got improve also ma...then prakl improve again lo...prakl i will there and always cheer for you and jun...i hope both of you can do well in prakl...

can anyone make me cry??now i very jealous the people who can cry easily...i feel like crying but i cant make my tear come out...it just make my heart more pain until i cant breath...am i stupid??why i always make myself suffer??i know no one will care about me...and i wont tell anyone about this...so i wrote it here to make myself better...except some people who read my blog...

anyway,i want to sleep now...i dun want to sleep late again...

cheer up my dear friend

miss you K...

stress!!!

i went college took my result yesterday...the result not bad...but i still worry about my other exam and scared i cant go nat...can i dun want exam and go for the compertition??i dun want study liaw...i dun like...i want to go work...

now not only my study stress...training also stress now...stupid la...not enough time...i still cant get my water feeling yet...when i can get it back?when can i swim like before sukma?i want win someone then only i can join the game i target to go...yesterday i cant swim well...i swam half way i started cant breath...i try to control my breathing...it getting better but the last program i cant swim...the program was so easy and i cant follow...i hate myself why i cant tahan...if i tahan that day than i will get my feeling faster...seriously,i cried that day after training...luckily someone made me happy...i dun want coach know i cried...sure she will scold me one...

i target myself...i give myself until msss...i must get back my water feeling...of cause not the feeling before sukma...i knew this very diffecult...i can follow the program then can liaw...then after that only target more...coach ask me to relax but i dun think i can...i try la...'during nat i will get the target you want me to hit' (if i can go)...if not then malaysia open la...just one month after nat...

yesterday was valentine's day...i wish everyone happy valentine...of cause the most important person also...i dunno your valentine happy or not...for me is suck...cause you are not with me...anything la...i already biasa myself...you are just my dream...my dream will never be come true...

anyway,training tomorrow...sleep liaw...
nitenite...
miss you K...

Hard training started!!!

holy S***...damn tired o...yesterday i want to sleep early...but i do this do that then read book until very late...i slept at 3 again...haih!?then today i want to go pool early because of some reason...i woke up 9 then reached pool at 10...i went there straight away kena training...what the hell man...(but i like)...hehe...coach gave me 3800k only...3(5x200) im,fly,free...i finish all le...dun play play...haha...

congrate to gin yu...seriouly you very geng lo...almost beat joshua...jia yo o...training hard sure can win him next time...haha...this competition all deprove except some of them...never mind people...keep training hard sure can improve in others competition...they finish competition then me and sel got training...afternoon programme like hell...5800k...main programme were 2(2x400) fly,free and 2(16x50) 8fly, 8free (for me)...16x50 i swam until want to die liaw...damn tired o...i swam 400 already want to pengsan liaw...then 16x50 sprinting lagi...luckily i din pengsan in the pool (almost)...when i walked also cant walked straight line...while i driving i cant breath properly...now i still cant breath smoothly...but i like the feeling like this...mean i really try my best to training...

hope i water feeling fasrter come back...coach told me if i hardworking and training hard i can do my best time in NAG...i dunno can or not la...but i trust coach...and i will try my best and training hard...jia yo to myself...haha...

ok,cant tahan liaw...want to sleep...
Good Night...
I love K...

Getting Better...

erm,i think my mood is getting better...i try very hard to not thinking of him...but sometime i will still think of him...i already try my best...hope can will never think of him again...

ok,friday coach told me that national age group now have open...that mean i have to join...i was worry about it...because i only have 2 month to train and i scared it crash my exam time...now i only hope the competition is after my exam...then i can enjoy my competition...the competition is at tengganu...is damn damn far...better dun sit van again...me and ling cant tahan liaw...bus is the best...more fun...then can watch movie also...if not sure boring until gila like last time sukma...please give me luck...dun crash my exam...

msskl is coming soon...i will go watch and train double that two day...really not enough time for me to train liaw...i want to win someone that only i can join the big competition...my target is Malaysia Open,of cause NAG also important...wish i can do well in this two competition...i will train hard...next week i think my water feeling can come back la...february got many competition...so i wish you all good luck here...for msskl swimmers,msss swimmers and prakl swimmers...except msss i cant go watch...others i will be there to cheer for you all...Good Luck...

ok,i want to make myself sleep la...
Good Luck and good night...
i love you K...

Continue or Forget?

what should i do??i dunno...he just keep appear in my head...all my mind is just him...'shoot'!!!

yesterday i started back training and i thought i can sleep early but cant...i felt very tired but i cant sleep...still slept at 430...maybe i not enough tired...i will try to make myself more tired in training tomorrow...

i really very tired liaw...if can i hope i never knew him...so that i wont so moody because of him...but i wont let other people know what happen to me...i wont let other people know about me...i will act like nothing in front of everyone...i like to keep all my thing in my heart...this is me...maybe time can help me to decide what i should do...continue or forget???

now training is the only thing can make me happy and release strees and moody...i will try my best to training hard and have good result in Malaysia Open this may...and i will try to change my orang cacat life to normal healthy life...

anyway,still the same
i love you K...

Still Moody like Hell!!!

i really need someone to help me...i cant tahan liaw...i try to make myself tired no use,i make myself drunk no use...i still cant forget him...why??i knew me and him no chance,is 0%...but i cant control myself to stop thinking of him...this is the first time i love someone so much and so serious...i dun dare to let him know...cause i dun trust myself...even he know also no use...im sure he dun like me...

last time i dun believe in 'yi jian zhong qing'...now i believe la...since the first time i saw him in 2006...i already like him...until now...in this two years i talked with him not more then 10 words...if talk also not face to face...just msg or msn...got one time we having english class together...he sat beside me...i felt so happy and my heart jump very fast...i din pay attention to the lecture...the class only 2 hours...then we din sat together again...everytime having class together i also cant pay attention...i always looking at him in the 2 hours class...

i always early to class and wait him to come...if cant see him i felt very down...once he came in i will looking at him until class finish...he always act very funny...he taste not bad...always wear very cool and 'ying' shirt...he looked very handsome when he wear long sleeve shirt...especially black colour...

haih!?now no more chance to see him liaw...he already finish study...now i only can see him in his facebook or msn...

sorry i sleep late again...i already try but still...
better stop la...
i love you K...