haih!?why everytime also like this one...everytime give me a hope and when i though that i can make it then take away my hope...this is my life?can anyone tell me?why must do this to me?what to do?the person is my friend...not very close but still one of my old friend...i know i cant blame anyone...who ask me so slow...slow must lose la...people swim so fast...somemore the person went china...'o' swimmer...i just a slow state swimmer...how can i win?sukma individual medal also dun have...how i swim with this person?i not suppost to ask you just now...when competition only know is better...then i no need so fan now...damn it...headache...
today start morning training...and i slept very yesterday...about two i think...so this morning felt dizzy...now also got abit...but dun care liaw....rest also no use...still got 3 days OKH...actually is very important to me...but now......after competition one week then exam...stress again...stomach will pain again...haih!?coach...im feel so sorry to you..you put hope on me and i cant make it...you said you trust me but i dun trust myself...sorry...
i know i not suppost be like this...lose mean lose...cant change and no one can help...but i waiting for this chance for so long and i train hard for it...actually not really hard...this is my fault...haih!?no one will understand my feeling now...for you all is just a small matter...but for me is very important...i never get overall before...i mean in okh...sure got alot of people say...okh only ma,so serious for what?if you close with me and you will know...dun care what competition...i will be very serious...this is me...swimming is just my life...if can i hope i can swim forever...
the stupid feeling is coming back...only jun know about it...what can i do to make myself happy?anyone can make me happy?now i only can act like im happy in front of others people and family...i dun want them to worry about me...damn...stomach pain...jun,dun tell anyone what happen to me...i already put this as a private...she cant read anymore...this only you and ling know...now i feel like doing something...but i cant tell what i gonna do...if you know sure you will scold me...dun worry about me...i will try to control...
no mood to write liaw...if continue i scared i write all the bad words out...
anyway,wish my family and friends happy
love you guys...and K...
wish myself also...
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